Becoming a Mom

I had an experience the other night that made me realize how much I have changed since becoming pregant.

I had been worried about my baby all day because she hadn't been moving as much as I expected her to. This worried me even more than it would have ordinarily because it was the second day in less than a week where she had gone a very long period of time without moving. Also, the only way I know that she is ok is when I can feel her moving. I know she needs to sleep, just like I do, but having never been pregnant before I don't have any previous experience or knowledge to know what is 'normal' and what is not.

Anyway, I was worried and unsure what to do because I didn't want to be overreacting or have a reason to be worried and not do anything about it. So I started to pray. I prayed for a long time. And I finally came to some realizations that changed my perspective on myself and what is coming.

I have been excited since before being pregnant to have a baby and be a mom, but last night I realized that it is a little more than that for me now. I honestly, truly, madly, deeply love the beautiful little spirit that is growing inside of me. I love her more than I thought possible before actually seeing her face, but I remembered that I already know her. I have met her before and I loved her before, so loving her now shouldn't be as surprising to me as it is. I love this little girl and I would do anything for her - which is why I worry.

Knowing that I love her has also helped me to feel more ready to have her be in our lives permenantly. I feel more ready to become a mom and assume the responsibilities, struggles, and joys that come with it. I am not really sure what I can teach her about life, but I do know that I am willing to try and that I will love her more than anyone else could. I want to watch her grow and learn and become the beautiful woman that she will someday become. I want to be there to help her in any way that I can and take care of her and let her know always that she is loved and I am proud of her.

And all of this is incredible to me because I feel like I actually may be on the road to becoming a mom. Wow. :)