writing for Daniel (part 2)
She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting on the stairs, but the sound of a car door opening and shutting caused her to lift her head from her arms. Time is short, she reminded herself, Cry later.
Standing quickly, she unslung the purse from her arm, put it beneath the railing where her initials were, adjusted her clothes and with a deep breath walked up the stairs.
As she reached the landing, she automatically turned to the left, then paused. She shook her head, a wry twist of her lips on her face and turned back to go the other way down the hall. Just a couple of steps later, she paused again and looked back toward the door furthest away. A small hallway, there were several doors. Two stood open just enough to give her a view of tiled floors, white-washed walls and a small vanity peeping around the corner. The bathrooms were kept simple on purpose. Two other doors were closed, but containing only towels and sheets they held no interest. She lingered just a moment, then made a fast decision.
Walking briskly toward her first objective, she paused briefly at the door before turning the handle and walking in. Even though she hadn't been in this room for years, and even then not often, the smell of honey and lilac gently tickled her nose. Not strong, as it had been, but undoubtedly clear. She walked toward a large window facing the front walk, pulled back the curtains and opened it wide. Warmth and sunlight flooded the room, dust motes dancing as though relishing the fresh air. She leaned out and called, "Give me a few extra minutes!"
"Is everything ok?"
"Yes, I just . . . need a few more minutes."
A slight pause and then, "Alright."
Pulling her head back in quickly to avoid any longer delay, her eyes scanned the room. It was just as she knew it would be - immaculately tidy, the bed made and appearing to have been recently swept. The only things missing were a book on the bedside table and fresh flowers in the vase beside it. Those, and all other personal touches that would have made it clear that the room was being occupied. Determined to think about that later, she left the room, leaving the door open behind her and sunlight following as she went back into the hall. She strode to the furthest door on the opposite end of the hall, and, intending to walk straight in, was surprised to find herself hesitating and with hands clenched at her sides.
She looked behind her and could hear sounds coming from outside the now open window. Time was short. If she wanted to do this alone, this was the only chance. With shaking hand, she turned the doorknob and opened the door.
May 30, 2020
May 26, 2020
how it shook out for peter pan
Oof.
It's been a WEEK. Well, really it has been a stinking hard M O N T H. And yet, I find myself in a strange position of not being able to complain. Well, I could, but I don't want to. I don't need to. I feel good about things. Most things. Usually. ;) As good as I do when I'm stressed and uncertain about the future.
HA.
This is an update for my loyal fans (missing you, Grandma Jackson!) regarding how Vernal Theatre: LIVE's performances of Peter Pan went despite COVID-19. To sum up: AMAZINGLY WELL.
I was terrified it wasn't going to happen. Honestly. If it weren't for my mom, it probably wouldn't have happened. She never lost faith. She kept sending me scriptures and quotes from General Conference talks that encouraged me to keep going. My mom is truly the greatest and 100 percent the reason that we continued with this production. I owe it all to her. Completely. Man. What a dynamite gal.
Very last minute, the Governor made the decision to move Utah to "Orange" or "Moderate Risk". This meant that in-person operation of theatres is allowable under strict conditions - all of which we were prepared to follow. So we social distanced those who already had tickets and did all other orders by phone. I seriously wanted to chuck my phone away after the first morning an so many calls - which is so great that I got so many! also I was sick of it. Blessings, though. We only did phone orders so that it would be easier for me to assign seats rather than trying to let patrons do it and having to block off seats anyway or move them if they sat too close. It was a good solution and one I hope we never have to do again, but I know that I can do it if needed. We sold about 40% of our capacity, or about 100 seats. One night we got 123 people in there because everyone came in big groups - WAY better than in pairs or singly. Ugh. We were pretty excited about that.
And everyone loved it. Or at least, I've only heard that they loved it.
I almost cried every night when the audience would cheer the first time Peter would fly. My heart seriously would pound so hard and fast and I felt all the gratitude for the most magical awesomeness. My cast was beyond phenomenal - to come back after six weeks of "online rehearsal" (what a joke) and STILL be memorized and work their tails off to open up a show that the theatre could be proud of just one week later! Seriously, so proud of them and their work. 'Peter Pan' is a show I would do with this group of people again in a heartbeat. I loved them and I loved them doing it. The audiences left so uplifted and so happy. I feel so grateful that we had the opportunity to spread some hope and cheer.
There is a quote I shared with my cast from a review written after 'Peter Pan' opened on Broadway in 1906 that goes something like this (yes, I'm paraphrasing- you can find the actual on my instagram):
New York needed Peter Pan. The show came at one of those times where the world was concerned to a morbid degree with things going wrong. . . . At this time came Peter Pan, reminding us to look at life through the eyes of a child.
What more timely quote could there be? The world has been concerned to a morbid degree with all the things going wrong. Of course I'm not saying we shouldn't be concerned. There is also more to life than COVID-19. I was distraught the night I turned to Daniel and said "What did we talk about before COVID? We talk about nothing else." What an awful way to live. How much happier and better is life when we focus on the hope and happiness that comes from having faith. When we think about our happy thoughts, love our families and see life the way a child does - what an incredible blessing.
We sold out six performances of 'Peter Pan' and continue to have many asking us to bring it back - either to see it for the first time or a second. Vernal needed 'Peter Pan'. Heck, NASHELLE needed 'Peter Pan'. I needed those people, I needed that story, I needed that hope.
I feel so blessed that we were able to perform at all! I feel so grateful that people were willing to come - about half of them in masks and half without and all smiling at the end. I feel so fortunate to have been able to give to my community in such a real and powerful way.
God's hand was in this show from the beginning - selection of the show and production team, decisions about how the show would go made a year ago, casting, blocking and choreography and rehearsal schedules - all of it. He was in every detail. Wow wow wow.
I pray I never forget how amazing this month has been and how grateful I am for my God who loves me so very much. <3
It's been a WEEK. Well, really it has been a stinking hard M O N T H. And yet, I find myself in a strange position of not being able to complain. Well, I could, but I don't want to. I don't need to. I feel good about things. Most things. Usually. ;) As good as I do when I'm stressed and uncertain about the future.
HA.
This is an update for my loyal fans (missing you, Grandma Jackson!) regarding how Vernal Theatre: LIVE's performances of Peter Pan went despite COVID-19. To sum up: AMAZINGLY WELL.
I was terrified it wasn't going to happen. Honestly. If it weren't for my mom, it probably wouldn't have happened. She never lost faith. She kept sending me scriptures and quotes from General Conference talks that encouraged me to keep going. My mom is truly the greatest and 100 percent the reason that we continued with this production. I owe it all to her. Completely. Man. What a dynamite gal.
Very last minute, the Governor made the decision to move Utah to "Orange" or "Moderate Risk". This meant that in-person operation of theatres is allowable under strict conditions - all of which we were prepared to follow. So we social distanced those who already had tickets and did all other orders by phone. I seriously wanted to chuck my phone away after the first morning an so many calls - which is so great that I got so many! also I was sick of it. Blessings, though. We only did phone orders so that it would be easier for me to assign seats rather than trying to let patrons do it and having to block off seats anyway or move them if they sat too close. It was a good solution and one I hope we never have to do again, but I know that I can do it if needed. We sold about 40% of our capacity, or about 100 seats. One night we got 123 people in there because everyone came in big groups - WAY better than in pairs or singly. Ugh. We were pretty excited about that.
And everyone loved it. Or at least, I've only heard that they loved it.
I almost cried every night when the audience would cheer the first time Peter would fly. My heart seriously would pound so hard and fast and I felt all the gratitude for the most magical awesomeness. My cast was beyond phenomenal - to come back after six weeks of "online rehearsal" (what a joke) and STILL be memorized and work their tails off to open up a show that the theatre could be proud of just one week later! Seriously, so proud of them and their work. 'Peter Pan' is a show I would do with this group of people again in a heartbeat. I loved them and I loved them doing it. The audiences left so uplifted and so happy. I feel so grateful that we had the opportunity to spread some hope and cheer.
There is a quote I shared with my cast from a review written after 'Peter Pan' opened on Broadway in 1906 that goes something like this (yes, I'm paraphrasing- you can find the actual on my instagram):
New York needed Peter Pan. The show came at one of those times where the world was concerned to a morbid degree with things going wrong. . . . At this time came Peter Pan, reminding us to look at life through the eyes of a child.
What more timely quote could there be? The world has been concerned to a morbid degree with all the things going wrong. Of course I'm not saying we shouldn't be concerned. There is also more to life than COVID-19. I was distraught the night I turned to Daniel and said "What did we talk about before COVID? We talk about nothing else." What an awful way to live. How much happier and better is life when we focus on the hope and happiness that comes from having faith. When we think about our happy thoughts, love our families and see life the way a child does - what an incredible blessing.
We sold out six performances of 'Peter Pan' and continue to have many asking us to bring it back - either to see it for the first time or a second. Vernal needed 'Peter Pan'. Heck, NASHELLE needed 'Peter Pan'. I needed those people, I needed that story, I needed that hope.
I feel so blessed that we were able to perform at all! I feel so grateful that people were willing to come - about half of them in masks and half without and all smiling at the end. I feel so fortunate to have been able to give to my community in such a real and powerful way.
God's hand was in this show from the beginning - selection of the show and production team, decisions about how the show would go made a year ago, casting, blocking and choreography and rehearsal schedules - all of it. He was in every detail. Wow wow wow.
I pray I never forget how amazing this month has been and how grateful I am for my God who loves me so very much. <3
May 9, 2020
about women
I saw a post the other day that was interesting. It was about women and how we need to support women speaking up and making sure that they feel listened to and validated, specifically in church settings.
Disclaimer: I didn't actually read the article, but this is what I gathered from the person who posted it and those who commented on it.
One person left a very lengthy comment on it, detailing how she felt that the lack of support of women was one thing that drives her away from the Church of Jesus Christ. She listed specific moments - not hearing a woman speak in sacrament meeting while growing up, her Young Women leaders being overruled by the bishop or Young Men leaders, her dissatisfaction with not knowing the name of Heavenly Mother, and the lack of women in the Book of Mormon, among others.
Well, I've been thinking about it a lot and I saw a lot of really positive comments on the post. I saw women who were reminded they also need to support women - it doesn't fall back on men to uphold women. I read about women wanting to work in tandem with their male counterparts and do good things. I also saw replies to the particular comment that stuck with me about Heavenly Mother not being named because of the sacredness of Her name and how that was still dissatisfactory, etc.
I have been the subject of prejudice myself, particularly in business and on leadership teams while at college. I had to struggle against people who looked at me as "a girl" and wouldn't give me a chance. I was in one meeting trying to get a loan to purchase the Vernal Theatre and one man addressed my dad and said "Why would you back this girl who doesn't have any credit to her name? What do you get out of it?" I was furious. The man didn't know my dad was my dad, and when he found out was silent the remainder of the meeting.
However, I feel as though in church settings I have been pretty fortunate to have good examples. While I was treated differently and hated my time in Young Womens because I was the bishop's daughter, I remember lots of women speaking in our ward and looking up to several of my teachers who were very wise in doctrine. I was very grateful in particular to one of our primary choristers, one of my primary teachers and one of my Sunday school teachers to their influence in keeping me aware of the Spirit in my life.
I suppose that's why I don't worry much about there not being much mention of women in the Book of Mormon. One thing I always remember is that there were TWO sets of plates - one that compiled a history of the people and one that was about spiritual matters. I obviously have no doctrine or knowledge to back it up, but I suspect that the history of the people contains more mention of women both specifically and generally. What we have now doesn't because it was more journal writing and noting of specific spiritual experiences and missionary experiences rather than "today my wife and I ..." I can extrapolate in my imagination enough to realize that women WERE present and their examples give me strength.
I also don't get worried about not knowing Heavenly Mother's name. I have found several instances in the scriptures that I believe are references to Her and they are very poignant and special to me. I don't need to know Her name to know that She is my Mother and She loves me.
I want women to get the credit they need and to be listened to. I always tell people to not ask my opinion if they don't want it - because I will give it. Sometimes that has gotten me into trouble as I say what others don't want to hear. I also am confident in what I can or cannot offer to a situation and will give accordingly. I am happy to be a contributor or happy to observe. I want my time and my worth to be of value - something I work with each cast at the theatre on as we work to schedule and create amazing art.
As we get ready for Mother's Day tomorrow, I want to promise myself that I will be better at taking care of the women around me - all women. When someone shares their opinion, I want to give it weight and appreciate it. I want to support and uplift those around me by utilizing what they have to offer and being considerate of their time and value.
Disclaimer: I didn't actually read the article, but this is what I gathered from the person who posted it and those who commented on it.
One person left a very lengthy comment on it, detailing how she felt that the lack of support of women was one thing that drives her away from the Church of Jesus Christ. She listed specific moments - not hearing a woman speak in sacrament meeting while growing up, her Young Women leaders being overruled by the bishop or Young Men leaders, her dissatisfaction with not knowing the name of Heavenly Mother, and the lack of women in the Book of Mormon, among others.
Well, I've been thinking about it a lot and I saw a lot of really positive comments on the post. I saw women who were reminded they also need to support women - it doesn't fall back on men to uphold women. I read about women wanting to work in tandem with their male counterparts and do good things. I also saw replies to the particular comment that stuck with me about Heavenly Mother not being named because of the sacredness of Her name and how that was still dissatisfactory, etc.
I have been the subject of prejudice myself, particularly in business and on leadership teams while at college. I had to struggle against people who looked at me as "a girl" and wouldn't give me a chance. I was in one meeting trying to get a loan to purchase the Vernal Theatre and one man addressed my dad and said "Why would you back this girl who doesn't have any credit to her name? What do you get out of it?" I was furious. The man didn't know my dad was my dad, and when he found out was silent the remainder of the meeting.
However, I feel as though in church settings I have been pretty fortunate to have good examples. While I was treated differently and hated my time in Young Womens because I was the bishop's daughter, I remember lots of women speaking in our ward and looking up to several of my teachers who were very wise in doctrine. I was very grateful in particular to one of our primary choristers, one of my primary teachers and one of my Sunday school teachers to their influence in keeping me aware of the Spirit in my life.
I suppose that's why I don't worry much about there not being much mention of women in the Book of Mormon. One thing I always remember is that there were TWO sets of plates - one that compiled a history of the people and one that was about spiritual matters. I obviously have no doctrine or knowledge to back it up, but I suspect that the history of the people contains more mention of women both specifically and generally. What we have now doesn't because it was more journal writing and noting of specific spiritual experiences and missionary experiences rather than "today my wife and I ..." I can extrapolate in my imagination enough to realize that women WERE present and their examples give me strength.
I also don't get worried about not knowing Heavenly Mother's name. I have found several instances in the scriptures that I believe are references to Her and they are very poignant and special to me. I don't need to know Her name to know that She is my Mother and She loves me.
I want women to get the credit they need and to be listened to. I always tell people to not ask my opinion if they don't want it - because I will give it. Sometimes that has gotten me into trouble as I say what others don't want to hear. I also am confident in what I can or cannot offer to a situation and will give accordingly. I am happy to be a contributor or happy to observe. I want my time and my worth to be of value - something I work with each cast at the theatre on as we work to schedule and create amazing art.
As we get ready for Mother's Day tomorrow, I want to promise myself that I will be better at taking care of the women around me - all women. When someone shares their opinion, I want to give it weight and appreciate it. I want to support and uplift those around me by utilizing what they have to offer and being considerate of their time and value.
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