Turkey Day 2016

This year, my family is separated for the holiday. I was ok with it a couple of days ago but since then have become very not ok. In fact, I am in a strange state of depression and melancholy that is unfamiliar to me especially during the holidays.

Not to say that Hannalyn and I aren't having fun and well looked after. We are. My parents are great and all but one of my siblings will be here before the day is over. But I miss Daniel. A lot.

He is in Texas for the weekend, celebrating the holiday and his younger brother's wedding with all of his siblings and his dad. It's quite an amazing feat getting all 11 children in the same state at the same time, and that happened this weekend. It's really exciting. Daniel's brother gets married tomorrow and Daniel flies home on Saturday. An exciting trip and time.

So this year, my thoughts are turning a lot to my favorite person and missing partner. More than usual. I definitely put Daniel on the top of my thankful list every year but this year is different. He is still the top of the list, but my gratitude for the little things he does is overwhelming this year. It's true that when you miss something you appreciate it more and I am feeling it this year.

I miss the security I feel when Daniel walks us home from my parent's house at night. I miss having him home with me to keep us safe and to keep me warm. I miss listening to him breathe while he sleeps and know that he is just a shake away from wakefulness and helping with anything I need. I miss his infectious smile and laugh. I miss his cooking enthusiasm (and I know my dad does too). I miss watching him sit with Hannalyn. I miss hearing his voice.

I am so grateful for this incredible life of mine- most especially the wonderful man I get to share it with and the beautiful daughter that we miraculously created. I love my family more than anything and this year is a constant reminder of that. They are ... mine. I can't find a better adjective.

And I'm counting down the hours til Saturday evening. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

something I forgot

I read a post on facebook this morning that stuck out to me in the midst of a small panic attack. It calmed my brain for just a minute and made me stop and think.

It went something like this:

"Do not shame people for not marching.
Do not shame people for not protesting.
Do not shame people for marching.
Do not shame people for protesting.
Do not shame people who are weeping.
Do not shame people who are silent.
Do not shame people who are removing themselves from the pain.
Do not shame people who are reblogging (or I add reposting, sharing, etc) every thing they can get their hands on.

Help each other heal."

And one other:

"If peace is really want you want, choose peace."

Well.

This got me thinking about my post and my opinions. I hope that I did not make anyone feel shame. What I hoped to convey with my posts was that I really think that by pulling ourselves away from the situation, by complaining and hating and not trying to pull together with our families and communities - nothing will get better. I believe everyone has opinions and that is a wonderful thing. I think there are appropriate ways to express opinions. Hurting, destroying, and ruining are not the answer and I cannot condone those. Pleading, praying, mourning, even a peaceful march expressing discontent are not problems. The hate, the deliberate pulling away from a country that we need to come together under in order to support and make it through the next several years.

I am sorry for any hatred I accidentally spread with my strong words.
I hope we can come together - that's the only way we can make it through this.

Follow up on that last post

Just five more thoughts then I promise I'm done. ;)

1. After my public declarations of my voting yesterday, while walking home with my almost 3-year old, the thought crossed my mind that my family and businesses may now be targeted by those who disagree with me. that made me sad and scared, but mostly sad.

2. My sisters are brilliant and one of the quotes I meant to share came from one of them (not the 15-year old I already shared from) who shared from J.K. Rowling and the thought that we all have light and dark inside us and we need to choose light. Actively choose light. She's amazing, my sister.

3. There was a brilliant article I read about how it's possible for millions of people - or even just two people - to watch the exact same thing, i.e. a debate, and walk away with two completely opposite opinions on it and hence vote differently. I loved it because one of the things it reiterated is that different isn't wrong or stupid. Different is human and it is beautiful because it gives us capacity to think and change and grow.

4. Did I do the right thing voting for Trump? I don't know. I'll probably never know. Did I do the wrong thing? Well, obviously I don't think so. Would I have tried my best to be a civil person no matter which way the election went? I'd like to think so. (Though I'd continue to mutter curses about healthcare costs tripling by January, but that's a different post and problem.)

5. Last, but certainly not least: I meant what I said: I love you. And despite what is being said, I did not vote for hate and intolerance when I cast my vote. Hopefully most of you reading this know me well enough to at least give me the benefit of the doubt in that regard. I was not voting against people of any race, religion, sexuality, etc. I did not vote to condone actions or to encourage war or violence. I voted for the opportunity to create a better America. Only time will tell if that is what will happen. In the meantime, all I can do is what I've always done, love you (which I do) and do my best to be a good person.

Here is an awesome story that I heard on the radio today:

On a recent autumn morning, I stood transfixed, and watched the first glorious rays of the sun break the horizon. Oh, it was beautiful! I felt a surge of joy. It was invigorating. Well that night, at 6:56 P.M. from a commanding overlook, I watched that same blazing sun sink below the horizon. It was a strange mix of feelings. As its last rays disappeared, I felt a strange sense of loss, almost a feeling of panic, especially as I turned and looked over the city below me. The brilliant colors that were there a moment ago were gone. The whole city was bathed in darkness and gloom.

Ours is a world of stark contrasts. The earth in its natural state is a thing of beauty; it was created by God. It bears glorious witness of its creator. Yet, for all of its beauty, the sun is setting on the society that inhabits it. Our civilization plunges deeper and deeper into darkness, gloom, and filth. What do we do? What can we do? Well, I don’t have all the answers, but maybe in this story there is a partial answer.

Not long ago I overheard a conversation between members of my family and a friend. They were complaining about the ills and evils of certain television programs. I stood and listened. After some time they dispersed and I walked into the room.

One of my daughters looked at me and she said, “Oh, Dad, [ah,] my stomach hurts.”

At that moment a bizarre idea struck me. Dad is always a teacher.

“I know just what to do,” I said, and I ran upstairs.

When I returned I asked her to show me exactly where it hurt. And she did. And as she did, I pulled a Band-Aid out of my pocket and I stuck it on her tummy. She gave me the strangest look.

“There,” I said with triumph, “doesn’t that feel better?”

“No,” she said laughing.

“It doesn’t?” I said, playing stupid. “Well, then I know just what’ll fix it for sure.”

She laughed even harder when – when I bent over and kissed her tummy boo-boo.

I looked up at her to see if she understood what I was doing. Not surprisingly, she –
she was completely clueless. She had no idea what I was doing. So I – I reminded her of the recent gripe session about the television program.

Ah! It took a few minutes, but she came to see that griping and whining about the world’s problems are just about as effective as a Band-Aid on a bellyache.

“Don’t gripe!” I said. “Do something!”

Now my friends, there are too many in this world today who just want to kiss society’s boo-boos and hope they’ll go away. They won’t! Hasn’t history taught us anything?

Now, this is my point: Those with the power of truth must be – they must be doctors to a sick and dying world, or be responsible for the death of it. Come, come all ye sons and daughters of God who bear the covenant of Abraham. The sun is nigh to setting.

Glenn Rawson – October 1999
Music: Band-aids and Sunsets – Michael Leavitt
Song: Called To Serve – Afterglow
www.soundsofsunday.com

Lots of Words

This has been an interesting week for me in a lot of ways, not the least of which has been the all-encompassing election. I've had a lot on my mind and on my plate, but in the few quiet moments I have had, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've also been trying to avoid Facebook and other social media outlets that I know will be perpetuating the angst and stress the election seems to have released.

You may unfriend me after this, and if you do, I won't pretend to understand. But I also won't beg you not to. I'll accept you the way you are - with your opinions and all, even if you don't accept me.

I was hoping that after the election things would go back to "normal". You know, cat videos and posts about the holidays coming up, etc. Unfortunately far from the opposite has happened. I don't want to add to hate so I hope that this post can be written in a way that expresses my opinions without being offensive.

That said, I will be honest. And the honest truth is: I am disappointed.

I am sickened, offended and angered by the hastag "notmypresident". You know, during the last two elections there were so. many. people. mad about the Obama administration. There were angry people saying and doing angry things. There were people fighting about the justice of the system. And maybe I'm too young or naive to remember, but I certainly didn't see the outright... CRAP... that is being dished out.

Here's the way I see it, in every election there is a "winner" and a "loser". And in many elections, it is going to be approximately half of the country that "loses". There have been tight races before and I'm sure there will be tighter races to come in the future. But losing does not justify the amount of disrespect and vulgarity that has spread. BOTH main party candidates were vicious, mud-slinging, and full of reprehensible actions and words. NEITHER main party candidate, in my opinion, is the best to lead this country. However the fact of the matter is - they are who the country chose. Those who wanted to vote in the primaries did so and the two candidates are the ones who were chosen. Just because we don't like what happened post-primary doesn't mean we get to pretend we weren't the ones who chose it. And if you didn't vote in the primary - you have no right to complain about the results.

I think that the two-party system is broken. Or if it isn't, it is grossly misunderstood by the majority of Americans. If there can only be two candidates seriously considered for the presidency out of the millions of people in the country, then we are not raising our youth to be the leaders we need for the future. It's easy to say "they're older - they should have been raised better by their parents". It's easy to blame ANYONE but ourselves for the situation we have been placed in. The fact of the matter is - we can't. We can't even blame the 50% of Americans who voted differently than we did. I am a firm believer in the fact that complaining never changes or improves any situation. If you don't like the result - make an effort to make a change. BEFORE the final election occurs.

This isn't to condone any actions or word by either presidential candidate. This also isn't saying that maybe either doesn't have a single decent quality in their bodies. This is a cry for decency in American people. Maybe Trump isn't the person you wanted leading the country. Maybe neither candidate is who you would have voted for. Regardless, this country will only be destroyed from the INSIDE. From the people diving themselves. When we allow the traits of a single individual or a party to blind our views of other members of that party, we deny ourselves opportunities to love and know other people.

I hadn't planned to make this public, but I've decided to stand up for myself. I voted for Trump. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. We got ourselves into this mess. I believe that of the two candidates in position to take the presidency, Trump is the one who will do the best job at preserving the democratic republic in which we live. 

Many of you disagree with me. Many of you probably agree with the media who calls voters like me, and I quote from the ABC newscasters the night of the election: "stay at home, white, over-40, uneducated slobs". Would you like the clip? I'll share it with you at your request.

HOW DARE THE MEDIA BE SO GENERALIZING?! And how dare so many of us in America think the same way about our fellow Americans? I can't tell you how many of my friends have said on Facebook that "those who voted for Trump must be the high school drop outs and the greedy upperclass". Well, I am neither of those things. (Nor am I sexist or anti-feminist, figured I should include that, too.)

These comments made me furious. And proud that I made the decision I did. I do not think that Trump is the 'right' person for the job. I DO think that he is the better person of the options that we gave ourselves. Although, in truth, I'd originally planned to cast my vote for a third-party candidate. Yup. I was going to use MY vote. Not waste it, use it to make my vote one that I would be proud of. I changed my mind for a couple reasons, mainly the reason that I came to the realization that if I want to have the chance to vote third-party in the next election, then I better vote for the person most likely to preserve and uphold the Constitution. I believe that person - of the two options we gave ourselves - is Trump.

I don't like his mouth. I do like his honesty over the normal "politician". I don't like the way he has treated women and people of ethnicity. As a woman, I am offended and hurt. As a human being, I am angered and disappointed that I didn't fight harder for a more moral and upstanding president. Then again, neither candidate has a strong moral core and if you think differently, well that's your opinion isn't it. I came to my decision after more research than I've ever done going into an election. I came to my decision after thinking about how it will effect me as a mom, wife, a business-owner, and a human being.

But here's the thing.

Most of all, I'm saddened that my 15-year old sister has more wisdom and love than many twice and three times her age. I mean, I'm proud of her, saddened about the others that I know that are continuing to spread the hatred despite the resolved outcome. Here is what my sister said on her Facebook: 

"I don't think that Trump is the best person on Earth, but I know that the media likes to show only the worst sides of him. This man is going to be our president, and we need to accept that. There's been great anger and diversity in our country the past few days and it's honestly horrible. The way that people try to spread the message of love is by violence, hatred, rallies against our new president, and so forth. I'm not trying to put all the blame on Hillary supporters, Trump supporters have done their share in the past too. But this is the last way we should deal about things. If we're really trying hard to spread love, then actually spread love. Don't yell it angrily and holding up signs while marching to the Trump tower in frustration, go make someone smile. Buy your friend some chocolate. Give a dollar or two to the homeless person you pass on your way to work. Nothing will make this country more separate than the path we're starting to take. I don't love Trump, but he's going to be our president, and I'm okay with that. I hope he does a good job, not to prove people wrong, but because if we were hoping that he does a bad job, we're setting ourselves up for failure. I hope that everyone starts to set the example of love and tries to make at least one person smile every day. Be the reason why people have hope in this country and in the people of this country. Don't fight hatred with even more hatred."

What an amazing young lady I get to call my sister.

I'm not trying to convince you that you are wrong or I am right. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad and mad and hurt and frustrated at the way the election turned out. I am definitely not saying that we should accept our situation and move on. 

I AM saying that by continuing to sow seeds of discontent we are only hurting ourselves. Wanting Trump to fail - denying him the chance to lead - is going to make things worse not better. I'm not happy with the situation, but I am not going to disrespect the people who gave their lives for our freedom to vote by undermining the choice made by the people of the country. Even if I don't agree with it. People on both sides have been acting shamefully and we all need to choose love.

A couple images I've found very helpful and insightful and calming after a traumatic week. And when I can re-find my favorite article I read written by a democrat who was anti-Trump before the election and who has chosen civility, I'll post that too.

I hope we can still be friends even though I'm an uneducated, balding drunk according to the media. ;)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMnD08CB2Ik/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMk1lU2j1Fg/

https://www.facebook.com/timbballard1/photos/a.484406741751409.1073741828.257245184467567/515561161969300/?type=3&theater

Book Review: From Cairo, With Love

An absolutely amazing story. I loved reading "From Cairo, With Love". A tale of adventure, romance, surprises, and more - this is one sure to be a favorite. I couldn't put it down. I was so excited for every page turn and each new development. Well written and beautifully described - I highly recommend this book for anyone looking for a good read. Loved loved loved it. I can't say any more than that. :)