Excellent storytelling, great characters, fun romance. I really enjoyed that this was truly a clean romance and that there was depth to the relationship. I giggled and had so much fun delving in to this book. I couldn't put it down!
AMAZON
GOODREADS
June 26, 2019
Book Review: Flirting with First
Excellent storytelling, great characters, fun romance. I really enjoyed that this was truly a clean romance and that there was depth to the relationship. I giggled and had so much fun delving in to this book. I couldn't put it down!
AMAZON
GOODREADS
June 6, 2019
friending better
I've been reading a lot about love recently. I went back and reviewed my Love Languages profile (if you haven't done it you definitely should) and I reviewed my 16 Personalities results (I'm an Advocate - woot! and it's scary accurate). I've also been thinking a lot about how I love other people and wondering if other people love me and just thinking about love.
Not romantic love. Friend-love. You know what I mean.
I've been thinking about who I love and who I want to love. I have been trying to figure out if I sometimes say "I love you" flippantly or if I always mean it. I've been struggling to put things into words and trying not to make my insecurities a big deal. And then I realized that I have insecurities and that made everything crazy. Ha!
I wrote this post in April called WHO DO YOU INVITE (you can click that link if you want to). Basically it asks the question "who do you invite"? and what makes you want to invite them? I thought it was a curious post when I wrote it. It was something that I'd been thinking about for a while but the post doesn't have a point, really.
Then I read a couple other posts shared by friends:
WHY WASN'T I INVITED?
and
WHEN FRIENDS DON'T FEEL THE SAME AS YOU
My heart started hurting because I realized that I am this person. I feel like a 13-year old full of insecurity and fear when it comes to talking to people who I want to be my friends. I'm worried they won't like me, that they won't want to talk to me and that I won't be invited to hang out with them after we talk.
And the hard thing is? I am seeing this happening in my life.
Now, of course, I absolutely one hundred percent believe that what you put into the universe is going to shape your experiences. If I think that I am un-friend-able, then I will be.
I also absolutely one hundred percent believe that I am most likely not alone in this feeling and that it takes addressing it to be able to get to that positive energy side. So here I am, alone in my blog-o-sphere, addressing it.
Awesome coping mechanism. ;)
When I was young, I had a couple of close friends. Usually I would find one person to cling and hold on to and be their best friend for a couple of years then school schedules would force us apart and I would find a new person who I would cling to. I had several friends, but only one or two with whom I was really close. My junior year of high school, I completely left my group of friends. There is a long story behind that, but to sum up I went into my senior year with two close friends and a bunch of people who I knew but didn't see outside of our mutually shared activities.
When I went to college, I was determined to change that. No one knew who I was from high school, no one knew that I'd been shy and quiet and insecure so I decided that I would be exactly who I wanted to be. And I was! And it was amazing! That first year of college I felt good about myself a whole lot of the time. I took care of myself and my appearance, I had fun, I initiated conversations, I talked to people even if I felt insecure doing it because THEY didn't know I was insecure so I could do what I wanted! It was such a blast. My second year of college I had a more established group of friends and so even though I was still holding onto my push to be this "more exciting and friendly" me, I didn't feel like I had to try so hard.
I left college and haven't talked to anyone, except my three roommates, since.
Was I wrong? Was I fake? Was I overbearing? These are thoughts that - I am not lying - still come to me when I'm alone or sad or just sitting. I question my motives and actions and wonder if anyone (except my roommates who I love so dearly) were my friends at all. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. I don't regret my college experiences and I am so proud of myself for being strong and outgoing and friendly and being who I wanted to be. I just wonder if I tried too hard and that's why, when college reunions happen, I'm not invited.
When Daniel and I got married, we lived with two other couples in the same house. I got up my courage and invited them to be part of a monthly FHE. We invited a couple other people from our ward and who we knew from school and had about six couples who would get together once a month for games and fun and food. It was incredible. I was determined to continue it when we moved because I wanted to have friends and be in a position to do fun and good things.
I didn't do it.
I was pregnant and getting ready for baby when we moved then PTSD struck and I never left my house. But even as the years have progressed and my baby has gotten older, I find myself back to where I was in junior high and high school - sitting in the corner, waiting to be acknowledged because I'm too scared to put myself up in front. I don't like being the spotlight. I love being part of the group.
I know that I have made a lot of mistakes - sitting in the corner isn't a sure way to make friends, and this I know. I look at other people and envy their friendships. I look at them coming and going, laughing and talking and sharing so easily with each other and I wish that I could do that. I recognize in myself a tendency to "cling" and I know that no one likes that, so I just stay away. When I feel myself starting to "cling" to a person, I tend to completely back down and stay away for a while.
Now, I have friends. I know that there are people who like me. (I hope!) And yet whenever I'm not invited, I hurt. Whenever I'm not included, I am sad. Should I do more? Put myself out there more? Or is that overbearing. I worry a lot about my social skills, or lack thereof. Maybe I don't know how to make friends.
And then I start to worry about Hannalyn. Will she not be invited places because parents don't want me there? Will she have friends and be able to have incredible experiences with other kids her age or will I hamper that?
Circles in the mind are dangerous and scary. I promise I'm not freaking out about this, I just realized that it's been on my mind and I want to do better. I want to be better.
I want to be better.
I think that's why I've been studying love. I know that in order to have friends, I need to be a friend. And despite my claims to the contrary, I do like people. I want people to like me. I've been trying really hard with a couple of specific people in my life to listen to promptings and figure out what they need and how I can be their friend. I want them to know that I'm genuine and want to be closer to them. I feel like, as an adult, I'm learning how to be a friend all over again even though I'ms ure I learned this as a young child. Right?!
But people change. I've changed dramatically from one year ago, five years ago, seven years ago. Sheesh! And that means that friendships change. Hopefully they grow and evolve and stay beautiful, but sometimes that means that all we get to have are memories. And that should be ok.
My hope for myself for the next while is that I can be a better friend, a stronger friend, nicer and more loving and supportive. Happy. Giving. More Christ-like. I hope that I'll have good news to report in the future.
Friends are important. I am important. We can do this.
Not romantic love. Friend-love. You know what I mean.
I've been thinking about who I love and who I want to love. I have been trying to figure out if I sometimes say "I love you" flippantly or if I always mean it. I've been struggling to put things into words and trying not to make my insecurities a big deal. And then I realized that I have insecurities and that made everything crazy. Ha!
I wrote this post in April called WHO DO YOU INVITE (you can click that link if you want to). Basically it asks the question "who do you invite"? and what makes you want to invite them? I thought it was a curious post when I wrote it. It was something that I'd been thinking about for a while but the post doesn't have a point, really.
Then I read a couple other posts shared by friends:
WHY WASN'T I INVITED?
and
WHEN FRIENDS DON'T FEEL THE SAME AS YOU
My heart started hurting because I realized that I am this person. I feel like a 13-year old full of insecurity and fear when it comes to talking to people who I want to be my friends. I'm worried they won't like me, that they won't want to talk to me and that I won't be invited to hang out with them after we talk.
And the hard thing is? I am seeing this happening in my life.
Now, of course, I absolutely one hundred percent believe that what you put into the universe is going to shape your experiences. If I think that I am un-friend-able, then I will be.
I also absolutely one hundred percent believe that I am most likely not alone in this feeling and that it takes addressing it to be able to get to that positive energy side. So here I am, alone in my blog-o-sphere, addressing it.
Awesome coping mechanism. ;)
When I was young, I had a couple of close friends. Usually I would find one person to cling and hold on to and be their best friend for a couple of years then school schedules would force us apart and I would find a new person who I would cling to. I had several friends, but only one or two with whom I was really close. My junior year of high school, I completely left my group of friends. There is a long story behind that, but to sum up I went into my senior year with two close friends and a bunch of people who I knew but didn't see outside of our mutually shared activities.
When I went to college, I was determined to change that. No one knew who I was from high school, no one knew that I'd been shy and quiet and insecure so I decided that I would be exactly who I wanted to be. And I was! And it was amazing! That first year of college I felt good about myself a whole lot of the time. I took care of myself and my appearance, I had fun, I initiated conversations, I talked to people even if I felt insecure doing it because THEY didn't know I was insecure so I could do what I wanted! It was such a blast. My second year of college I had a more established group of friends and so even though I was still holding onto my push to be this "more exciting and friendly" me, I didn't feel like I had to try so hard.
I left college and haven't talked to anyone, except my three roommates, since.
Was I wrong? Was I fake? Was I overbearing? These are thoughts that - I am not lying - still come to me when I'm alone or sad or just sitting. I question my motives and actions and wonder if anyone (except my roommates who I love so dearly) were my friends at all. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. I don't regret my college experiences and I am so proud of myself for being strong and outgoing and friendly and being who I wanted to be. I just wonder if I tried too hard and that's why, when college reunions happen, I'm not invited.
When Daniel and I got married, we lived with two other couples in the same house. I got up my courage and invited them to be part of a monthly FHE. We invited a couple other people from our ward and who we knew from school and had about six couples who would get together once a month for games and fun and food. It was incredible. I was determined to continue it when we moved because I wanted to have friends and be in a position to do fun and good things.
I didn't do it.
I was pregnant and getting ready for baby when we moved then PTSD struck and I never left my house. But even as the years have progressed and my baby has gotten older, I find myself back to where I was in junior high and high school - sitting in the corner, waiting to be acknowledged because I'm too scared to put myself up in front. I don't like being the spotlight. I love being part of the group.
I know that I have made a lot of mistakes - sitting in the corner isn't a sure way to make friends, and this I know. I look at other people and envy their friendships. I look at them coming and going, laughing and talking and sharing so easily with each other and I wish that I could do that. I recognize in myself a tendency to "cling" and I know that no one likes that, so I just stay away. When I feel myself starting to "cling" to a person, I tend to completely back down and stay away for a while.
Now, I have friends. I know that there are people who like me. (I hope!) And yet whenever I'm not invited, I hurt. Whenever I'm not included, I am sad. Should I do more? Put myself out there more? Or is that overbearing. I worry a lot about my social skills, or lack thereof. Maybe I don't know how to make friends.
And then I start to worry about Hannalyn. Will she not be invited places because parents don't want me there? Will she have friends and be able to have incredible experiences with other kids her age or will I hamper that?
Circles in the mind are dangerous and scary. I promise I'm not freaking out about this, I just realized that it's been on my mind and I want to do better. I want to be better.
I want to be better.
I think that's why I've been studying love. I know that in order to have friends, I need to be a friend. And despite my claims to the contrary, I do like people. I want people to like me. I've been trying really hard with a couple of specific people in my life to listen to promptings and figure out what they need and how I can be their friend. I want them to know that I'm genuine and want to be closer to them. I feel like, as an adult, I'm learning how to be a friend all over again even though I'ms ure I learned this as a young child. Right?!
But people change. I've changed dramatically from one year ago, five years ago, seven years ago. Sheesh! And that means that friendships change. Hopefully they grow and evolve and stay beautiful, but sometimes that means that all we get to have are memories. And that should be ok.
My hope for myself for the next while is that I can be a better friend, a stronger friend, nicer and more loving and supportive. Happy. Giving. More Christ-like. I hope that I'll have good news to report in the future.
Friends are important. I am important. We can do this.
June 5, 2019
dad's birthday
Today is my dad's birthday.
He is a really great guy. I like him a lot and Hannalyn does, too. I have lots of really awesome memories of being with my dad - him reading me stories, playing games, teaching us how to do dangerous things, more stories & games, camping, fishing, rafting, building fires, still more stories & games, watching movies, driving, and even more stories & games.
I remember sitting in the stands during a BYU Football game where it was pouring rain - it felt like an inch in the stands around my ankles - and people throwing tortillas and watching my dad have the best time and letting me have my first glo-stick.
I remember countless Saturday mornings where he would start barking upstairs and we would know donuts had arrived (he once told us there were puppies in the box instead of donuts and it stuck).
I remember watching old movies and just enjoying him laughing even though I didn't get most of it.
I remember watching him play the original Mario Brothers game and wishing I could get as far on the levels as he did. He showed me shortcuts and and how to get the most coins and would always get much higher on the levels than I ever could.
I remember him giving me his finger to squeeze when I got a particular nasty splinter in my palm the length of my palm so my mom could dig it out.
I remember the first time he told the Oochie Coochie Bear story by the fire while we were camping and laughing until we were crying.
I remember how nervous he was to baptize me when I was eight even though he told me not to be nervous because he promised not to drop me.
I remember the first time he held Hannalyn.
And man. I am so grateful for the memories. These ones and so many more.
We're making another 55 years worth, Old Wolf. Happy birthday.
xoxo
me
He is a really great guy. I like him a lot and Hannalyn does, too. I have lots of really awesome memories of being with my dad - him reading me stories, playing games, teaching us how to do dangerous things, more stories & games, camping, fishing, rafting, building fires, still more stories & games, watching movies, driving, and even more stories & games.
I remember sitting in the stands during a BYU Football game where it was pouring rain - it felt like an inch in the stands around my ankles - and people throwing tortillas and watching my dad have the best time and letting me have my first glo-stick.
I remember countless Saturday mornings where he would start barking upstairs and we would know donuts had arrived (he once told us there were puppies in the box instead of donuts and it stuck).
I remember watching old movies and just enjoying him laughing even though I didn't get most of it.
I remember watching him play the original Mario Brothers game and wishing I could get as far on the levels as he did. He showed me shortcuts and and how to get the most coins and would always get much higher on the levels than I ever could.
I remember him giving me his finger to squeeze when I got a particular nasty splinter in my palm the length of my palm so my mom could dig it out.
I remember the first time he told the Oochie Coochie Bear story by the fire while we were camping and laughing until we were crying.
I remember how nervous he was to baptize me when I was eight even though he told me not to be nervous because he promised not to drop me.
I remember the first time he held Hannalyn.
And man. I am so grateful for the memories. These ones and so many more.
We're making another 55 years worth, Old Wolf. Happy birthday.
xoxo
me
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