"She died in a fire." Not funny anymore.

You know how there are funny things that we say that don't really make sense, it's just something to say?

For example: someone says, "Where is Larissa?" I say, "Oh, she died in a fire."

Sometimes I get really funny looks like, "Wait, really? What?" And then they catch on to what I've just said, and they roll their eyes and get back to inquiring the location of another person.

I thought this was a funny circumstance... Until last night.

Last night, I had a rough time sleeping. I was upset because I was having an allergy/asthma attack. I had been so careful and not touched the cats at all, but I figured I must have cat hair somewhere on my shirt or something. So, I changed my shirt and when that didn't help, went downstairs to get a drink of water and just breathe since I was awake anyway.

I noticed that it was easier to breathe downstairs in the frigid air of the house. I had left the space heater in my room on during the night because I was so cold, but I decided I would turn it off and bundle up and open the door a crack so I could get some cold air blowing on my face so I could breathe.

I went upstairs and went to turn off the heater, when I noticed a strange red glow coming from an outlet next to my bed. I couldn't figure out what it was, but when I turned off the heater the glow disappeared, too.

Not thinking anything of it, I went back to bed.

When I woke up (for real), I happened to glance over at the outlet that had been glowing.

It was black, brown, and melted.

Yup. There was a fire in my outlet last night.

I had an asthma attack from the smoke. The smoke left a lovely stain reaching up about a foot on the wall.

My parents said it was a good thing it happened while we were still here and not while we're gone on vacation.

True story.

So. Dying in a fire isn't funny anymore. That's all.

Signing out.
Me.

Five Languages of Love

Yes, this is an image from Amazon. Oh well.

I have always been fascinated by Gary Chapman's work. Ok. Not always. But ever since I heard about it.

The 'catch phrase' for this particular book goes like this: "The relationship-enhancing phenomenon that started it all! In the full-length edition of his best selling book, Dr. Gary Chapman uses real-life examples from over thirty years of marriage counseling to illustrate the five distinct languages people use to express love."

You have my permission to be impressed. (insert 'oohs' and 'ahhs' here)

But really though, this is very fascinating and I think that it has helped me learn a lot about myself and how I act and react in relationships. And I have a point with all of this that I will get to in a minute. Dr. Chapman says there are five languages of love. Usually we grow up speaking what our parents and siblings speak (duh), but if we are trying to speak English and our partner only knows Chinese...? Well, according to Dr. Chapman, then it doesn't matter how sincere we are, we have to find a way to communicate. And I agree.

Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective.

Love Language #2: Quality Time

By 'quality time', I mean giving someone your undivided attention. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking. A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity...togetherness has to do with focused attention. Many of us are trained to analyze problems and creat solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.

Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts, but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.

Love Language #4: Acts of Service
Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. Such things as vacuuming, cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, removing the white spots from the mirror, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, and changing the water in the goldfish bowl are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love. What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.



Love Language #5: Physical Touch

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. The touch of love may take many forms. Since touch receptors are located throughout the body, lovingly touching your spouse almost anywhere can be an expression of love. Love touches may be explicit and demand your full attention, on the other hand, love touches may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder or holding his hand. If your spouse's primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries.

So. I'm sure everyone is wondering now, so I will tell you. My primary love language is Physical Touch. Followed by a tie for second/third place with Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.

What I'm saying is: MY LOVE LANGUAGES SUCK!!!

They are the hardest ones to portray because of well, time and needing to be in proximity to each other. If that doesn't happen for me, my brain starts to get down on itself and try to convince me I'm not loved.

Lame.

It's simply not fair.

Now, I'm not saying that the others ones can't cause complications, too. I'm just saying that from my point of view: Physical Touch and Quality Time means being with the person you love. And that can't happen 100% of the time. Unfortunately for us all.

Anyway. The short of it - I encourage anyone interested to get this book. Read it. Learn about your Love Language and the one of your partner (real or imagined). Take the tests provided in the back of the book that tell you your Love Language. You might learn something about yourself. I did. And who knows? Maybe you and your partner (real or imagined) are exactly the same. Maybe you're opposites, but have been communicating effectively. Or maybe this can help you communicate more effectively and draw closer to each other. Or communicate more effectively when you find your partner. Mmm. We all love that, right? (Drawing closer to your partner, I mean.)

Good luck in love, my readers. I wish you many fantastic adventures.

(And some good communicating, too.)

Signing out.

Me.

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault.

Ok. Maybe a little bit.

But not really.

Not...completely...anyway.

...I had an amazing night.

And I was too excited to go to sleep, so I'm blogging about it.

Wow. What a crazy I've become.

I made dinner tonight. Enchiladas, to be precise.

Yum.

Then I went to Classic Skating.

Kind of scary... (my balance sucks)

Lots of fun.

Then I watched the Sing-off.

Really entertaining.

Some really good vocals.

Seriously.

All of this - with my Best Friend.

(Yup. Capital letters and all.)

BAM!

I had an amazing night.

It's not my fault.

Well...maybe sorta...

*insert winky face*

What the Format?!



Bahahahahaha.


I wanted to apologize to everyone out there on behalf of my blog.

Apparently, depending on what computer you are on (maybe server you're using? I don't know), the format gets all messed up.

For example, on two computers that I've looked at, the pictures from my last post were all skee-wom-pus. (Not sure on spelling, so I used phonics.) I PROMISE they were arranged very nicely in side-by-side neatness. I'm OCD like that sometimes. I spent a long time fighting the format and making sure they were side-by-side and neat.

Aggravating.

Point: It's not my fault.

Just sayin'.

Happy(er) Post!

I need MAJOR help. I know what I want to give my parents for Christmas, but I can't get it narrowed down to a specific. Care to share some opinions? Great.

Now, I don't think my mom reads this blog...but if you are reading this, Mother: Stop Now. ... Thanks.

Ok. So, over Thanksgiving, my family and I took family pictures. Everyone's least favorite part of the holiday. But a necessary one since this is Taylor's last one at home for two years and some big changes are headed our way.

Overall, I thought they turned out great. I went through and picked my four favorites. Then I edited a couple of them to make them a little cleaner. Now my problem is that I'm not sure which one to pick to give to my parents, or if I should give them multiple and if so, how? I don't want to show them all to mom and let her choose, I mean, I probably will anyway, but I want to already have one picked to give them.

I also think it would be cool to maybe take one of the pictures and put 'Forever Family' or something cute and cliche' on it. But I have no clue how. Ideas? Suggestions? All are welcome.

Group 1 (pretty standard - maybe lettering on this one? top or bottom.):



Group 2 (not really a group, just one picture. But I love the silly ones.):

Group 3 (I will crop out that hanging right side unless I put lettering there.):

Group 4 (not a huge fan of the bear, but I love the casual-ness of this one.):

'Tis the Season

Truth be told, this picture was taken in 2008. Look at how short Marinn was. Now she is as tall as Larissa. Pretty crazy, huh? Ridiculous.

Now. From the title, you would assume this would be a happy-joyful-'I'm so excited for Christmas!' post.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

In fact, several of you may wish to discontinue reading.

You see, this isn't an 'excited for Christmas' post. This is an 'I wish I was excited for Christmas' post.

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and the season and the love and the spirit and the happiness. I'm excited for it all to happen. It's magical.

But at this moment, I'm not feeling it. And since I decided to use this blog to vent occasionally, I am going to take advantage of that and vent.

I apologize and promise to start writing happy posts again soon.

I feel kind of like the Grinch right now with his heart "two sizes too small". It's a very depressing feeling. Some people would excuse it for me saying, "You just had a long week" or "Finals are coming up" or "You just need to take a nap". All of the above are true. But that doesn't mean I should be grumpy, right?

Part of my problem is that I don't understand my grouchiness today. I slept well - complete with dreams (although they were exceptionally weird last night), I slept for a long time, I enjoyed church - I participated and was spiritually uplifted (and got a new calling. scary!), and I have the rest of the day to do whatever I want to (well, almost). That all seems pretty great, right?

Maybe I'm behind in journal writing. Nope. I caught up this morning.

Scripture reading? Nope. Did that last night and I'm planning on it for tonight.

I talked to my mom yesterday. I saw my best friend last night & heard from him today.

'The Forgotten Carols' is over... ... ...Maybe I should watch that DVD.

For anyone who doesn't know, 'The Forgotten Carols' is the story of an old man helping a nurse find the spirit and joy of Christmas. It's by Michael McLean and it's a very touching story. I actually happen to be a huge fan and love it.

A couple Christmases ago when I felt similarly to how I do now, my parents MADE us sit on the couch and watch the show. It was the first time we'd ever seen it. I pretended to sleep, as I often pretend to do when I'm upset (though I never sleep well when I'm angry. It's pointless to try.) and tried to ignore the screen. However, there was something that pulled at me and made me watch and listen. I ended up crying at the end, and the second time I watched it, I cried the whole way through.

I like to think compare it to the Messiah. The Messiah is gorgeous and intricate and complex. I can listen to it and I love it. It's beautiful. But I have to listen to it (and sing it) multiple times before I begin to understand and comprehend what's going on. The Forgotten Carols are simple and delicate and pretty. I listen to it and I love it. And I get it the first time. I understand the parts. The Messiah is for people who feel the spirit in beautiful and large and complicated ways. The Forgotten Carols is for people who feel the spirit in small and simple ways (like me).

I love feeling the spirit. And I love the feeling of the Christmas spirit. It's subtly different in a very tender and soft way.

Well. Thanks for the rant. I'm going to try to feel the spirit now.

Signing off.
Me.

A Second Helping of Stress, Please?

Yeah, right.

Like anyone would EVER utter those words.

But I feel like I did. Sometime. In a nightmare maybe.

Alright. Maybe I'm being a little melodramatic.

But only a little!

Actually... This blog comes in quite handy tonight when I am in dire need of a good venting session but don't want to. I don't want to complain to anyone or write a negative status on facebook. So instead, I'm venting.

The benefits: No one has to read this that doesn't want to, but I still get to be relieved of negativity.

Win-Win.

So.... Where to begin?

Family: Great!

School: I'm not doing as well as I want to be doing. I know this because I can tell by how I feel in class that I am not prepared for finals week that is coming up. Also. The classes I should be studying most for I am slacking the most in. Go figure, right? Mostly because I can't put in the extra study time I need because I am too busy in other areas of my life. And those classes I should be studying the most for take the most time - which is why I didn't study in the first place. HOLY COW! It's a total cycle of no studying and no time. It's frustrating. But life. Right? And if I don't ace all my classes, that's ok. I just need to keep a pretty average GPA. That's pretty easy. But what happens when that mandatory-pretty average-easy to keep GPA is going to be super hard to even be close to attaining? More hard than it should be? I hate school. That's the result.

Social: Great!

Sub-Social: Curse words up the freaking wazoo. ... Yup ...

Ok. First I should probably define the difference between 'Social' and 'Sub-Social'. 'Social' includes relationships with friends and people in general. 'Sub-Social' refers to activities done with those friends.

What is the reason Sub-Social is so stressful? Oh. Let me just tell you.

I was asked a couple of months ago to be the Stage Manager for the Forgotten Carols at Snow College again. I was last year, and I loved it. I mean, believe it or not, I don't like to be in charge. But when I have to be, I have to be. And honestly, I'm pretty good at it. It was a fantastic learning experience and I loved working with the people and learning about all the awesome things I'm capable of doing. It was amazing.

Well, this year, the director asked me to come back to be the Stage Manager again. I live in Provo and Snow College is in Ephraim. This means it is approximately a one and one-half hour drive to get down to Ephraim. However, my car gets incredible gas mileage, so I wasn't too worried about it. I was excited and ready to go - especially after talking to my parents and friends and receiving their encouragement.

Maybe it was just because it was a rough night, and I mean really REALLY rough night, but I was miserable. I was angry and frustrated and hurt and upset and ready to quit. Not even kidding. One week left of the show and I wanted to walk out. Of course, I would never ever do that. It's not my personality. In fact, it's sometimes proven quite negative that I'm too stubborn to walk away from any thing I've committed myself to. But I knew I wouldn't walk out, but I hugely needed to get some stress and emotion off my chest. I vented to a couple of friends about my situation and the helplessness that I felt. My biggest problem was that I was being blamed and held responsible for things that are out of my control. Literally. I'm not sure if the problem is because I live in Provo or if it's because of the people I'm working with, but I feel very much as though the problems that have risen are not my fault. Therefore I don't want to take responsibility for them and then I get upset when people try to force that responsibility onto me.

*sigh* Needless to say, it was a very long night. I was angry and felt helpless.

Then I was shown just how much I am loved. I talked to some friends who let me vent out my feelings and problems and then helped to me to forget about them and get laughing again. I have been blessed with the most amazing friends. Seriously. I went from an emotional wreck, to someone ready to at least try to face the next day. It was a huge change.

So. Despite the fact that I feel as though I have asked for a second helping of stress and I can't for the life of me remember why, I just want to say: Thank you to my friends. For listening to and loving me. You mean the world to me.

Signing out.
Me.