This is our birth story. It was our experience. I understand that not everyone has had a similar experience or will even if they do the exact same things that we did. I hope that each person reading this remembers that we can create our own experiences - and that is what we did. We had a wonderful birthing time - perfect, fast, easy, and even comfortable (until the last few pushes). I want to share the hope, joy, and growth that I experienced. That is why I have written our story. I hope you enjoy reading it.
Friday, November 29th , I woke up a little discouraged. As part of the Hypnobabies program, I got to visualize my birthing time. I would go in to Hypnosis and, guided by a CD through all the stages of birthing, would visualize exactly how I wanted my birth to go. I would visualize the time of day, where we were, who was there, what we were doing, even the weather outside. It was one of my favorite Hypnobabies Cds because it helped me feel confident in the upcoming birth of my baby. However, when we found out that Daniel’s dad was going to be coming for a visit, I had changed my original visualization day from December 2 to November 29. Now, I knew and still know that hypnosis is mostly suggestions, but the power to create and imagine what we want in our minds is what gives us the power and desire to make those things happen. I knew that it was very unlikely, but I wanted our baby born on the 29th so that she could meet her Grandpa Jackson while he was in town. Plus, it was after Thanksgiving and so she would never have a Thanksgiving birthday - something I had had in mind when picking December 2nd in the first place.
So when I woke up, still wondering if my baby had even dropped into position yet and not having felt any noticeable pressure waves (aka contractions), I was a little discouraged. We had an appointment with our midwife, Donna, and while it was a great appointment and she & Daniel both agreed that the baby had dropped, it was guessed that the baby wouldn’t come for about 7-10 days. Completely missing Daniel’s dad. I had told myself repeatedly that it didn’t matter when the baby came - due dates are definitely guess dates and I wanted her to come when she was ready and God knew that we were ready. I was happy with any day…but was also ready to see her.
The rest of the day was long and rough. I had finished everything on my lists of things to do. I had tried so hard to spread things out so I was only doing one thing a day to take me to when the baby would get here, but I had finally exhausted my list. I am a big fan of waiting until December 1st to get out Christmas decorations, because then December 1st turns into a big party day no matter what day of the week it is and there is Christmas music and fun things going up around the house. But I needed something to take my mind off the waiting and so, with Daniel’s help, we pulled out all the Christmas decorations. We didn’t actually put anything up on the walls, but I went through my boxes and sorted out the stockings, village, and tree decorations so that I could start the next day.
During the afternoon, I was doing my visualization again. I realized that the voice on the CD was talking about a pressure wave and I was suddenly feeling just that - a wave of pressure moving up my abdomen, lingering for a second, and then going back down. It was fascinating. It didn’t last very long and was far from intense, but I had just recognized that I was having a pressure wave and it was very encouraging. I also realized that I had felt that feeling before, but hadn’t realized what it was. I was still a little bummed that the baby wasn’t born yet, but I was also feeling more optimistic that she would come soon.
Daniel & I spent the evening at my parent’s house. Everyone was gone except for my littlest sister, so we hung out - watching a movie (UP - yes I cried) and cuddling and talking. I was exhausted and a little grumpy when my parents got home from the movie theatre at 10:30, and so instead of staying later and hanging out longer I made Daniel take me home and I went straight to bed.
That was divine inspiration, my friends, have no doubt about it.
Saturday, November 30th, I woke up about 12:30 AM to pressure in my abdomen. I was excited that I was having another pressure wave, but knew it probably didn’t mean anything so I went to the bathroom and went back to sleep.
I woke up again about 1:30 AM to another pressure wave. This time instead of being able to go back to sleep, it took me a little bit to comfortable because I felt another one shortly after. Still thinking it didn’t mean much, I just prayed that I would be able to sleep through the night and not be exhausted in the morning, and went back to sleep.
2:15 AM. I realized that something serious was happening when I felt another pressure wave and it woke me up. I laughed in my mind as I remembered that at our appointment, I had asked how I would know when it was time and Donna’s daughter Holt told me that I would know because I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I debated back and forth for about 10 minutes while lying in bed. I hardly qualified this as not being able to sleep, but I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. I woke up Daniel and told him that I was going out into the living room to time the waves, but it probably wasn’t anything and so he could just go back to sleep. He said “ok” and rolled over.
I woke him up 30 minutes later.
I told Daniel that I had gone into the living room and entered Hypnosis, just like I had practiced, because the pressure waves were not comfortable and I wanted to focus. After timing the first two waves, I was a little surprised, and checked my Hypnobabies paper that gives suggestions on when to go to the hospital/call midwife and so on. I was more surprised. Just to be sure, I timed four more. Sure enough, my pressure waves were lasting about 1 minute each and were about 5 minutes apart. My Hypnobabies paper told me this was a good time to start prepping to make preparations for a birthing time. I was still unsure though, and I knew that Donna was expecting another one of her girls to also give birth any day. It was 3:00 AM!!! What if it was nothing or Donna was with the other girl? I hate making big decisions like this. Thankfully Daniel was given a little jumpstart by God because I told him “1 minute each, 5 minutes apart” and he said, “I’m calling Donna.” And he did.
When Donna answered, Daniel told her that he hoped she wasn’t with another girl and when she said she wasn’t and asked what was going on, Daniel told her my times. Donna told him that she was on her way. When I heard her say that, it took me a second to catch my breath. She felt that it was serious enough to come. That means big things.
Daniel and I kept timing the waves and they got closer together and longer. I was in bed, taking each one at a time and using hypnosis to stay in control. I could tell that things were progressing, but I felt very calm and relaxed and excited. Donna showed up a little after 4 AM and immediately started getting things prepped. I would open my eyes between pressure waves and it was exciting to see supplies being set up and organized. It also made me a little nervous, but Daniel was right by my side the whole time (occasionally working on a sudoku puzzle which I found mildly hilarious throughout) and that helped.
From here on out, I’m not entirely positive about times that things happened. I have asked Daniel for a little clarification here and there, but I was trying to not look at the clock and was a little preoccupied so I don’t remember a whole lot.
As near as we can determine, between 4 and 8 AM, nothing much happened. Donna’s assistant Lyndsy showed up and they finished getting everything ready. This would have been really discouraging to me, but I felt great. I would get up to go to the bathroom about once every hour. I know this because I would check the clock and was always surprised when I noticed that an hour had passed. I started to be bummed around 7 because I recognized that things were taking longer than any of us had expected. We had all thought my birthing time would be 4 hours or less. Easy. This thought was because of all the prep work I had done with Hypnobabies, as well as the diet I was on with Donna’s program that in part helps make birthing times shorter. It wasn’t shorter, and I started to get frustrated.
Daniel was amazing at this point. He kept encouraging me and reminding me that everything was ok. He told me that it didn’t matter how fast things happened, things were progressing they way they were supposed to and the important thing was that we were all ok. He also commented on how fast time was going for him. And really, I felt the same way. Each time I went to the bathroom I was surprised that a whole hour had passed. I felt like it had been minutes and was sick of going to the bathroom. However, an hour had passed each time and that kept me positive.
I also remember looking out into the dining room at one point as I was on my way to the bathroom and saying to Daniel, “Go figure. Even though we wanted it to be clean, our house is a big mess the day of our birthing. Look. Christmas decorations everywhere.”
8:00 AM. (give or take a little bit) (we think) Donna did an internal exam to find out where my body was in preparing to give birth. She knew that I didn’t want to know about how my body was progressing, so she took Daniel into the other room and talked to him about what was going on. When they came back in, Donna told me that my cervix had slipped and so wasn’t dilating like it was supposed to because baby’s head wasn’t pushing on it in the right place. It’s something that is easy to fix, so she moved the cervix into the right place, and then we went back to waiting.
Not once in all this time did I feel anything other than slight pressure. I was a little uncomfortable, but mostly because my muscles were being used over and over and over again and I was getting a little tired. (Like I said - divine inspiration to go to bed when we did otherwise we would have been even more tired and it would have been more difficult to stay focused.) However, I was focused and felt strong and in control. I was also very relaxed and peaceful and so grateful that I could be on my bed and moving around my house if/when I wanted to. It was also quiet. So quiet that it felt like it was still the middle of the night and I had to remind myself that time was really still moving.
sometime in the middle of everything. note the cold stone shirt. i told my dad i would wear it. he didn't believe me. :)
At one point, I commented that I could feel pressure in the tops of my thighs. Donna had Daniel sit by me on the bed and Lyndsy sit on the other side of me and each time I had a pressure wave, they squeezed the muscle at the top of my knee. It was amazing. Each time they did that - I felt nothing in my thigh at all! It eased the pressure in my thigh. A little bit later, Donna joined in at the foot of the bed and would push her knuckle into the middle of my foot - a pressure point for the cervix. Each time she did that, the pressure wave, instead of feeling more intense, would feel similar to the ones at the beginning of the morning - very easy and light. With the help of these three & my hypnosis, the pressure waves were suddenly getting easier. It was the coolest thing.
In fact, I felt so good that I warned everyone that I might start singing Mary Had a Little Lamb and that it was too bad we already knew we weren’t having a Mary because otherwise I might think it was a sign. Everyone laughed at me. But really. I wanted to sing. It was the weirdest feeling I’d ever felt and I’m sure that I sounded crazy, but I wanted to at least give everyone a warning before it actually happened.
An hour after Donna repositioned my cervix, she did another internal exam to see how it had affected my progress. I’m sure this must have been about 9, because I looked at the clock when going to the bathroom (again) and I noticed that Donna had gloved up. This was exciting to me because it meant something serious was happening. I tried to get back to the bed, but stopped at the foot of the bed and went to my knees in the middle of a pressure wave. Donna had her assistants come in (they had been hanging out in the living room - I hope our couch was comfortable) and I told Donna that I wanted to push. Really badly wanted to push. She gave me the go ahead and we got started.
From there on out, things are really vague in my memory. Someone put on the Hypnobabies CD for pushing baby out, and even though I wasn’t really listening, I would catch phrases here and there that would help me. One thing that Hypnobabies encourages during pushing is that all passages and airways stay open and relaxed. If you just relax your jaw and let it hang open, the sound that comes out is “Ahh” like a sigh or yawn. So, I started breathing that way. I got bored though and decided that instead of just breathing “Ahh” I would breathe it out in a song. I started Mary Had a Little Lamb…but changed half-way through to Silent Night. It was relaxing to me on so many levels. I felt closer to God and I knew I was still in control. I would only do it while I was actually pushing. In between pressure waves, I would lean back and breathe to stay in control. I felt kind of silly - pushing out a baby while trying to do phrases of Silent Night - but hey, it worked for me. J
I remember Daniel sometimes being next to me and being behind me for awhile, too. I remember being ridiculously hot and someone putting cool cloths on my forehead and neck. I remember being on the birthing stool for awhile, but wanting to stay fully supported so I could still be in hypnosis and so having Daniel put his hand on my forehead and leaning into him so I wouldn’t have to support myself the whole time. I remember Donna breaking my water and noticing that it was green, meaning my baby had already had a bowel movement. I worried for just a second, but then Daniel said “Relax” and I forgot about it and moved on.
I remember Donna saying, “Look at that hair!” and showing her assistants where baby’s head was starting to show as I pushed. I remember Daniel being told to look and touch her head and him sounding unsure, but excited as he looked and said “Wow” and “Hi baby”. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I remember Donna telling me to touch baby’s head and thinking that I really shouldn’t move anything, but I did very briefly and was filled with a new determination to keep going. I also remember them getting a mirror and me taking a quick peek at the hair on baby’s head and being momentarily amazed, but I quickly closed my eyes again to keep in control.
I remember thinking that it was taking forever to push. Especially in comparison with how quickly the hours flew by while I was just sitting in bed with the pressure waves. I wanted to ask how long I’d been pushing, but I didn’t dare. I’m not sure what I would have wanted the answer to be anyway.
The next thing I remember is Donna having Daniel and Lyndsy move me so I was lying on my back. I pushed once and was fine. Suddenly, I lost control as a searing pain hit my tailbone and spread throughout my bottom. I let out a sound that wasn’t really a scream, but was definitely not my “Ahh” that I’d been doing. Donna realized what was happening and talked me back. She started giving me instructions and telling me that she needed me to stay focused. I told her that I needed to move - I couldn’t stay in that position because it hurt and I was losing it. I also remember apologizing a lot for losing it and Daniel & Donna telling me that I hadn’t lost it and was doing great.
Daniel & Lyndsy got me back up on the birthing stool (I hadn’t been on it for a while) and started praying. I still felt like I had lost it and I was starting to have a really hard time focusing. I got scared. So I prayed. I knew that baby’s head had been in the birth canal too long and it needed to come out and I begged God to help me. I started being able to focus on my breathing again, and from there I was able to focus on pushing again. A few pushes later, Donna told me to give the biggest, hardest push I had yet. I did. It felt like that one push lasted forever, but then all of a sudden I felt something large and wet fall out of me. I didn’t notice when baby’s head crowned, but as soon as I recognized that it was her body that I had felt, peace swelled up inside of me. My mind instantly cleared. I thought, “Wow. That was amazing.” And then I instantly looked down at my baby.
She was squirming beneath me. I checked to be sure she really was a girl (my mom & I both had dreams the week before that she was a boy) and then I looked at her face. It was beautiful, with lots of dark hair. I was thrilled and told Daniel that I loved him and we had done it. I was so happy.
It didn’t last long enough, though. Donna immediately started rubbing baby’s chest and hands, flipping her over to get the meconium that she had swallowed out of her. I knew that something was wrong and I froze. I didn’t know what to do. I kept asking if she was ok and everyone kept telling me she would be. Somehow, I got moved to where I was on the foot of the bed and baby was put on my chest. Donna told us to talk to baby. I told my baby how much I loved her and how grateful I was to see her - the whole time wondering if I was about to lose her. I could tell that everyone was moving very fast even though my brain was working very slowly.
Donna told Daniel to give the baby a blessing. My brain only registered that something was wrong and I needed to tell my baby how much I loved her as much as I could while I still could. Daniel reached across and gave the baby a simple perfect blessing. He called her by name, Hannalyn Jackson, and told her to live. Told her to grow up to be with her parents and future siblings. Told her to breathe and be healthy.
I started to sing Silent Night to her - this time with the words and not with “Ahh”. I cried through the song, again praying with God that this wouldn’t be the last time I got to sing Silent Night to her. I was breathing as deeply as I could, and I knew immediately that everything would be ok when half-way through, Daniel started to sing with me. It was the most beautiful thing and most instant affirmation of his support and love that I’ve ever felt. We were singing to our little girl who was still fighting for breath as she laid across my chest and I had never been happier.
Until that first cry.
The cry that Hannalyn let out as she lay there across my chest and Daniel & I finished our song had me bursting into tears and telling her and her Daddy how much I loved them. I said it to each of them back & forth as quickly as I could. I didn’t move or change, but I felt a change. The room didn’t seem to be going quite so fast. Daniel gave me a kiss and I told him that we had done it. It was perfect.
A minute later, Daniel got to cut the cord (which he thought at first that he would never want to do and told me so), and another minute later was holding Hannalyn himself on the other side of the bed as Donna worked to get her breathe more regularly. I stayed where I was and felt like a big wimp as my body birthed the placenta. I told Lyndsy, who was helping me, that I couldn’t believe I had done such powerful pushes while the baby was coming out and now I didn’t want to do gentle pushes to birth the placenta. She gently reminded me that as soon as the placenta was out I could hold my baby again and that gave me a lot of motivation.
It was wonderful listening to Daniel talk to our baby as he held her for the first time. He told her how much he loves her and all the wonderful things I always wanted to hear him say to our baby. He marveled over her hair and her long fingers and toes. He told me all about her and included me in the process, even though I couldn’t really see what was going on. Donna kept remarking how amazing it was that Hannalyn kept looking for her daddy’s voice. Even in the middle of having her mouth suctioned out of all the nastiness that was inside it, she would hear Daniel say something, it would soothe her, and she would turn to look at him. It made me insanely happy & proud to know that my baby knows her daddy’s voice.
I finally birthed the placenta and Donna & Lyndsy moved me to the top of the bed with a bunch of pillows. Daniel handed me Hannalyn and everyone left the room to give us some space for a few minutes. I looked her over and was amazed that such an amazing thing had, just a few minutes before, been inside of me. Now here was our perfect daughter, lying in my arms. All I could do was stare at her until I finally had tears in my eyes, turned to Daniel and kissed him. Hard. I told him that I love him and Wow! Can you believe we just did this? Then I kissed my baby and held her tight and just watched her breathe - grateful for the miracle of life and the power of love.
first family photo :)
How we got here (our pregnancy story)
The last 10 weeks
Hypnobabies
Donna Young - Powerfully Pregnant
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