who do you invite?

I've been trying to decide for a while if I actually wanted to write this post or not, but since it won't leave my brain, I figured I'd give it a shot.

The question that has been on my mind recently is "what makes you want to invite someone"? This is pretty broad, yes? I'm not thinking to a high-class party. But other events, like your kid's birthday party or a day at the park, maybe a movie or game night. How do you decide who to invite? Is there anything that would make you NOT inviting someone, other than they just don't pop up in the first five contacts on your phone? Or is that how you decide who to invite because those are your best friends and so they are who you want to be with?

See - this is a weird post because mostly I'm just asking questions of the universe without expecting a response. Or giving one because I'm not sure that I have one to give.

We did three game nights a year ago. We were working toward a monthly thing and invited lots of people (I thought) and families so that kids could play and adults could talk. Due to a night of hurt feelings between adults (I'm not sure that's the most accurate way to describe what happened, but I can't think of something better), we stopped doing it. I'm not a great hostess - it gives me anxiety like none other to host a party and poor Hannalyn has never had a friend party because of it - and so I don't like dealing with party problems so I just stopped hosting and inviting.

Was that right? Wrong? Does it matter? Does anyone care or notice that it's not happening any more?
Who knows.

Ooh. Here's a fun switch. What if you were invited to a something - what would make you really really want to go and what would make you go "eh" or not want to go?

Like I said, there isn't really a point except that I am curious and felt like I needed to pose the question to the world. So consider it posed. ;)

I'm off to finish a day of crazy at the theatre (2 hour rehearsal, 2 hour performance, 5 hour guest rental event). I hope your weekend is stellar! And thought-provoking. ;)

Book Review: Beneath an Italian Sky

This story was fantastic. I remember reading Night at the Opera and loving the intrigue and suspense in addition to the romance. Beneath an Italian Sky had just as much pull to the writing and the characters and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Claire & Emmett thought they had made a love match, but all seems to be unraveling as they cannot even speak to each other without wounds and anger. As this story begins, we start in the past and chapters alternate between both Claire & Emmett in their stories both before they meet and in the first months of marriage as well as their experiences in Italy.

I was touched by many aspects of this story, not the least of which was the brilliant setting. The imagery was vivid and descriptions detailed and full. I was completely submerged in the storytelling. The characters themselves were deep and clung desperately to what they thought they knew. I always love a good redemption story and this one was outstanding. It made me laugh, made me sad, but best of all - made me think.

Find it on AMAZON and GOODREADS

Book Review: Kissing a Billionaire

I absolutely loved how varied this collection was! From cowboys and mountains to Europe - all of the settings were diverse and varied and I loved the scope of the storytelling. Six incredible authors, six amazing stories.

Undercover Billionaire was really cute, it moves fast at the end to wrap things up but that's always the hard part of short stories. I personally loved the theatre camp that one of the characters is involved in. It was thrilling to have an art form talking about another art form.

Be My Plus One. I loved it! I snorted and chuckled throughout and was surprised when it ended - I wanted it to keep going! A truly fun story that was perfect in this collection.

To Hide or to Hold had a fascinating story line. This romance was based on physicality more, which while not bad made me a little skeptical of the characters. Overall though, I loved the idea.

Bow Tie or the Billionaire was very fun with a cute twist at the end. The author really got me into the culture which was a new experience for me. I also loved that the story would continue past what we read. It made me curious about the characters and think about how they would interact in the future.

How to Woo a Billionaire. This was such an engaging read, with fun characters and a marvelous relationship arc. Maybe my favorite of the collection.

Billionaire Abroad. Fantastic pacing! A fun story without getting too caught up in details so able to show more in this short story format of writing. It was perfectly packed with everything you needed and not feeling like it was missing anything or throwing a bunch in.

Find it on AMAZON or GOODREADS

ending season 3

Well. It's official. Vernal Theatre: LIVE has put on 18 productions in three years. We have just closed our third season with a sold out performance of Bye Bye Birdie - our sixth show in this season.

Wow.

I'm strangely emotional tonight. There is so much that went into this show - starting from when it was selected for the Season Finale. There are many reasons that I chose it from the great ensemble parts and strong leads to the fun of the show and the characters that are in it. I had anticipated directing it, was relieved and a little disappointed when I didn't need to. I had planned to be in it, was relieved and a little disappointed when I wasn't cast.

But most of all, I love how this production showcases how far we have come in three short years. Out of 35 cast members, 12 have never been on our stage and only 12 did shows in Season 1. If that doesn't show growth in numbers of participation, I'm not sure what does. It's truly been an incredible thing to witness and I loved watching this cast in particular and all the fun that they have. They have had several surprises, including one of the leads having an appendectomy the week before Tech Week. . . . Yup. That was a fun stress to have right before opening the show. But they worked through it, the lead recovered incredibly well and things have turned out perfectly.

I'm so grateful and so amazed by the goodness of Heavenly Father. I know that He is guiding this theatre. This year has been tough - with more people in the audience come more people who disagree with how this or that is run or which shows are chosen to perform. I have really come to rely so strongly on my faith that God is in charge. I credit Him with all successes because He is the one who directs where we should go and gives us the strength we need to push on in adversity.

You know, this Season has been a lot about fun, but it has also had some very serious and thought-provoking times, too. I have loved the balance and learned so much from the people who have chosen to participate. We really have the best people at Vernal Theatre: LIVE. They are so good and willing to work hard. They do things that blow me away in terms of talent and dedication. Most of all, they love and support each other and want to succeed. What a fantastic blessing in this crazy and hard world that we live in today.

I love the show Bye Bye Birdie. It's predictable and cheesy, but I've always enjoyed watching it and seeing the mimicry and characters. There is so much joy in the theatre and so much added meaning as we examine life from a critical angle. I am so grateful we did this show. I'm grateful for the cast and the crew. I'm grateful for the audiences who laughed and clapped. I'm grateful for the theatre. I'm grateful that God is in charge, softening the hearts of everyone onstage, backstage and in the audience to give them patience and encourage them to return. I receive every benefit of that and, even though it's selfish of me, I love it and am grateful for it.

Way to go, Bye Bye Birdie! Way to go, Season 3!
Season 4 - Here we come!
Wow.

shoes

So this is kind of random, but what else is new?

I was thinking the other day about how old my shoes are.

True story! Stay with me here.

I have two pairs of shoes in particular that I was thinking about and realized that they are both 10 years old. Yes, you read that correctly. I received both pairs of shoes when I went shopping with my grandmother the week before I started college classes and told her that I needed shoes for my Leadership Team Uniform. She bought me one pair of tennis shoes and one pair of nicer brown shoes.

Both pairs are now worn and wouldn't win beauty prizes but neither have holes that make them unable to be worn or make me look like I grabbed them from the garbage. That's good news, right?

Well, the exciting part about this analysis of my shoes is that I realized that God loves me.

Yup! It's a fact! God loves me and He showed me His love by giving me shoes that have lasted me ten years.

It's the little things that matter, you know? I haven't bought myself new shoes in ten years except one pair of black flats. All other shoes are either ten years old OR were bought by my mom and given to me because they were $4 at Kmart's closeout sale a few years ago. (maybe this is why my feet are messed up and I have migraines? . . . shrug) Because I haven't had to stress about the money factor of needing to buy new shoes, I felt Heavenly Father's love for me. He knows that I would stress out about that and so He has taken care of me in this small and simple way that had a profound effect on me this weekend.

What an amazing feeling. What an amazing Father.

What little things has God blessed you with this week?

what I would say

This post has been screaming to get out of my head for a couple of weeks now and I have been pushing it off because, deep down, I'm afraid. I shouldn't be - it's silly to be - but I am.

Vernal Theatre: LIVE's Season 3 Finale is Bye Bye Birdie and it is a stellar production. I enjoy watching it, I enjoy listening to it, I enjoy the audience enjoying it. There are some certain moments that I absolutely love that I think others miss, but I watch for every time because they are pure greatness (one I'm pretty sure happens because a teen is being genuine and it's my favorite!). I think one of the most exciting parts of this show being so great is that I didn't do anything about it except stay out the way. The production team for this one carried it through from beginning to end and I didn't do anything except make sure the doors were opened. I didn't even do that most of the time - Daniel did.

I've missed it, though. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be where I'm not needed and I was definitely not needed for this show. I was needed at home with Hannalyn and I have absolutely treasured the last few months one on one with her every night. It has been its own special kind of therapy and the very best. I look forward to more of it. I think what I've missed the most (surprisingly enough for me) is the people. There are so many people in this cast who are just great. In fact, I ended up auditioning for the show because of a couple of the people who had signed up to be in it. I didn't get in (obviously), and I think my only wish is that I could have spent time with those amazing people.

The other thing I've missed is my "theatre owner duty" ;) of making sure that the cast and crew know how important they are. Daniel likes to tease me about my seemingly "regularly scheduled speeches" that I give throughout a production. I mean, there is the "Here We Go so Get Ready to Work Hard" speech, the "Be Nice to Your Team" speech, often a "Focus!" speech and a "There is No Such Thing as Peaking" speech. The last one is of course the "You Are SO Important - Thank You for Being at VT:L" speech.

Now, to clarify, even though Daniel calls these my "speeches", that is not at all what they are. Usually it's a brief mention during the cast meeting of something that I think they need to know. It's a sentence or two detailing expectations that I have and then sending everyone on their way. I try really really hard to be sure I'm listening to the Spirit and saying what the cast needs to hear and what Heavenly Father needs them to know to make the show and the theatre and themselves successful. There are a few things I've said that probably are similar show to show depending on the needs of the cast, but I wouldn't call them "speeches" either by length or pre-determined content. Especially because as a director I receive different inspiration than as a producer.

So why am I so afraid to say what I feel like I need to say to this cast? I think mainly because I haven't been there. I don't know what they've already heard. I don't know where they've been or what they've shared. I'm just not sure.

But I feel so strongly that something needs to be said about . . . something. Haha. I wish I could explain it better than that. The only reason that makes any sense to me is that Heavenly Father has given me the assignment of operating Vernal Theatre: LIVE. Yes, I know that it is a calling from Him. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. Because of this stewardship that I have, I have to stay involved and be present and say what He would have me say - even if it doesn't make sense to me at the time. So. This is what I would say to the cast of Bye Bye Birdie if I were brave enough or given the opportunity. (Hopefully I can take it, but at least I've written it even if I can't say it.)

Dear Cast & Crew,
First of all, thank you so much for being part of Vernal Theatre: LIVE. This theatre is still in its infancy and there is so much that we still have to learn. Thank you for taking a chance and giving of your time and talents to this theatre. Please thank your families, too. Let them know how grateful we are for their sacrifice of being without you so we could enjoy your presence and your talents.
Next, please know that you are always welcome here at Vernal Theatre: LIVE. The amazing thing about the theatre is that it represents real life and as such, requires real life to happen. There is a place for you here - maybe not always the same place - but one in which your skills and experience are necessary and welcomed. And we hope you'll come often to be part of shows here in any capacity in which you are willing. We need you and we love you.
Last, we hope that you have many positive memories of this experience, but I hope that one thing you remember most of all is the fun. When we chose Bye Bye Birdie for this Season, many questioned why we didn't do a show that is "more meaningful like Secret Garden". But I believe that what we've really needed this year in this theatre community is laughter and fun - both with our casts and with our audiences. There have been serious moments, scary ones, heart-wrenching and devastating and hope-filled moments - that's what life and theatre are about. It's also about the fun. I hope that when you've been part of more than 50 productions, you will look back on all of them and be grateful for the good times, but that for this show in particular you will remember the good fun. The cast and the fun you've had, the audience and the fun they've had, and the friends you've made while having fun. Life needs to have JOY - and we have seen you feeling JOY as you've been in this production. Treasure that feeling and remember it. It will give you strength and hope in the future.
Come back to VT:L soon. We would love to have you. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us and with your community who needed some fun and laughter this Spring. Thank you for having fun and for inspiring us with your willingness to work hard and uplift those around you with your smiles, friendship and fun.
Sincerely,
Vernal Theatre: LIVE, Director

a good day

Today was a good day. And the fact that I can say that without reservations or saying "well, except that . . . " is nothing short of a miracle.

We started out cleaning the church early this morning as part of our ward's assignment. I took a long shower and Daniel made pancakes for breakfast. Then we went on errands, had lunch, Hannalyn napped and played outside with chalk and helping me measure our yard for potential landscaping this summer while Daniel had a meeting, then Daniel made dinner and we ate together before heading to the show.

I'm extremely proud of my chalk drawing of Hannalyn's shadow. One because it's good and two because it's of a wiggly five year old who kept flinching each time I tried to trace her as though it tickled. <3

I desperately needed this good day today and I am so grateful to have had it. The service I'm sure got me some blessings ;) plus being one-on-one with Hannalyn and truly not having anywhere else to go or be for the first Saturday in weeks was perfect. We really got to take our time today and it was amazing.

I hope your weekend is beautiful.

a morning at the park

I was thinking today about "mourning with those who mourn" and how hard it is to do. I mean, unless you've directly experienced what someone else is going through then it's hard to understand - truly understand - their situation. Especially when it gets to the hard and scary parts of life. Those are really hard to understand from a new perspective.

I realized that God does exactly understand.

I've talked with my therapist quite a bit about how Christ not only had Atonement-experiences, He also had real-life experiences. This is something I know. Obviously Christ lived on earth and had a life and was part of a family, but it hit me really hard as we talked about how my trust was betrayed by a close friend and my therapist said "Yes, and Christ knows exactly how that feels because He was also betrayed by a close friend." I had to sit back. I knew that, but I didn't know that. Is that crazy?

So I'm thinking about this today, and I'm thinking "But what about things even harder than betrayal? like having a family member die or ugly things that happen in the world today."

And the thought was "My Son died. . .

"And He didn't just die. He was cruelly tortured, beaten, mocked, ridiculed, and died an awful death in the vilest manner His executioners could create."

. . .

So when someone loses a child in death - God knows how that feels. Intimately, personally and deeply. And it's not just Christ who has died and who's death has been felt by God, but if we believe that each of us is a Child of our Father, then every. single. death. especially the hard ones has been felt as a tragedy to our Father. I believe (and forgive me if I leave the path of scripture here) that He feels each of those pains literally and personally. Even more so than our earthly parents do as we share our trials and heartaches with them, because while they know and understand us, our Heavenly parents do so PERFECTLY.

And apparently that wasn't enough beautiful revelation for me to receive today (while sitting at the park, no less), because then the thought came "And God doesn't hide from this pain."

You know what I mean - I hide from pain. We all do. We "shrink to drink the bitter cup" and avoid it at all costs. We don't touch the hot pans, we wear shoes outside, we take driving classes, and when there is emotional pain - sometimes we withdraw into ourselves and hide as we mourn our losses and grieve the sorrows of the world.

BUT GOD NEVER DOES.

In fact, He reaches out to us. He doesn't say "Oh man. This one hurts too much, I'm not getting out of bed today. The world can handle itself for an hour or two." Nope.

Now, I know that when Christ died, God wept. And mourned. And grieved.

Then three days later, the greatest gift ever given was given freely and without respecter of persons - even to those who had done the unthinkable and killed their Savior.

We do need time to mourn. We need to feel and experience and grow and that will be painful. And yet . . . we cannot wallow. Some things will take more time to move past than others. Maybe we need three hours and maybe we need three days. But then we need to move on and reach out. Serve others by giving of the greatest gift we can - ourselves. Our time, our love, our compassion, our thoughtfulness, our words.

It was a really beautiful morning. There were clouds around the Basin, but the sun was warm as Hannalyn climbed on the playground and I sat thinking thoughts. I was learning more about how perfectly my Savior understands my life, my needs, my sorrows. And I was learning about how, once I've given myself time to feel and mourn, I need to move forward. I have a strange feeling I've stumbled upon something that, if I can implement it, will make me so much happier in every aspect.

#stoptheriptide

I wrote this really awesome post for Instagram and then . . . it got deleted before posting. ARGH! And I loathe (strong emotions call for strong words ;) ) typing on my iPod, which is part of the reason I stick to a flip phone instead of a "smart" phone so I'm going to try to recreate what I wrote there here instead. We'll see how it goes.

I planned to post a picture of books I've read / am reading recently including (for your reference since I can't get the picture to load here *roll eyes at technology*):

The Book of Mormon
Girl, Wash Your Face - Hollis
Same Life, New Story - Silvous
Captivating - Eldredge
Live a Praying Life Without Fear - Dean
A Circle of Quiet - L'Engle
Believing Christ - Robinson
The Beggar King and the Secret of Happiness - Izzy

And here is what I wrote(ish):

I know that I do not have a hard life. I know that compared to 99.9% of the population- both in my immediate circle and abroad- my life is actually really amazing.
But I still struggle.
And even just thinking about writing that sentence creates a torrent of thoughts in my brain that terrify me. "How dare you say that you struggle? How dare you talk about your trials when others around you suffer so much more than you? Who do you think you are? Why are you searching for sympathy? Your trials are nothing compared to what others are going through. Why take up space with things that don't matter? Quit complaining and move on." It's this massive tidal wave of guilt and frustration and fear and shame for even thinking about talking about what I'm going through. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I've been feeling strongly that I need to share these books that are changing my life but I can't do that unless I share what I've been going through and why they have impacted me so strongly. But sharing that is so scary and so hard - mostly because of that devastating internal monologue. Here we go anyway. These books have been life lines as I'm fighting the current carrying me out to sea. Three in particular that I recommend:

Girl, Wash Your Face - I was crying in the introduction to this book. I finally felt as though someone understood me and knew what I was going through and was talking TO ME.
Same Life, New Story - This was so empowering to me to be reminded that even though I cannot always control my circumstances, I CAN control what I have to say about it. I am the author of my story and I want to write it well.
The Book of Mormon - I didn't read my scriptures for almost five years. I started reading again last May and since then I have read the Book of Mormon four times all the way through. It has been incredible, not because my life is easier or I've seen bounteous blessings, but as I have marked the name(s) of Christ in this book - I have seen His hand in my life every day.

I think the thing that each of these books have given me most of all is the reminder that even though I am often alone in my head, I am never truly alone. No matter where we are - surfing the waves, floating in a boat, waving so that no one knows we are caught and being swept away - we are never alone. I am never alone. That comfort and reassurance that has come through reading about experiences and people has lifted me and been a safety net that has protected me over the last couple of months. I guess I needed to share in case it can help you, too.

<3

Book Review: Charming the Shortstop

Ok. So you may or may not remember my review of Hitching the Pitcher but as a friendly reminder, I LOVED it. True story. So each month I am now so excited for the continuation of the series and learning more about the Six Pack. Seriously, so much fun. BUT hard to live up to the standard set in Hitching the Pitcher (I read it twice).

Charming the Shortshop, though? Nailed it. I really enjoyed this one. I liked the depth of the relationship that was developed. It wasn't all about how "hot" someone was (though of course there is some physical attraction), but the characters moved quickly from the physicality of the chemistry to going deeper into learning more about each other. I love that in a story - getting to know people and seeing them interact with each other. It makes everything much more real, relatable and, honestly, more romantic to me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.

So when Brighton & Axel meet on an air plane, at first I kind of rolled my eyes and thought "physical" . . . then the plot and the story kicked in and I was drawn in by my curiosity of finding out more about these people and it was fantastic. A great read, rounded and exciting with plenty of romance as well as plain old fun with the characters - including the Six Pack.

I can't wait for the next one!

Find your copy on AMAZON or GOODREADS (<-- click the links)

Book Review: An Evening at Almack's

Another KNOCK OUT collection, friends. Claps all around. I loved the variety in the stories - both in character and plot. I appreciated the humor and, of course, clean romances each. What a refreshing delight!

THE HEART'S CHOICE by Sally Britton - My notes on my computer after reading ran as follows: SUPER cute. Made me giddy and happy and giggling for a while. Loved the depth and variety of story and that it wasn’t all physical- much was love from other experiences/depth of emotion. There you have it. ;)

MY UNFAIR LADY by Elizabeth Johns - Very witty- lots of classic book and romance references. Cute couple and fun characters without going too far or being unbelievable. Grinning throughout.

SIX WISHES by Sarah M. Eden - I swear this author can do wrong. I loved everything I've ever read by her and anticipate continuing to do so for a very long time. The story itself was very tender. It made me cry and miss my sisters. A very sweet love of a gentle, generous type.

Find it on AMAZON or GOODREADS