No one asked

It’s so frustrating being spoken for. It is something I’ve tried not to do for my kid as she’s grown, and as a result I’ve become more aware of when it happens as an adult.

No one asked me if I wanted to help… they assumed I would and were frustrated when I didn’t.

No one asked me how I felt about not having babies… which is probably a good thing because maybe I wouldn’t have reacted wisely, but also felt isolating and lonely.

No one asked me how my business is doing… and made statements about what I need without any context or inside knowledge.

No one asked what I needed… and then when they did it was too late and I had done it myself.

No one asked… they spoke for me, over me, against me, assuming my intent and needs.

And I was left alone.

Jacob 3:1

It has been an insane week. So many highs, so many lows. Not much in between.

I am aware enough to know that I am blessed and I have much to be thankful for. I can see that not every day is all bad and there are many beautiful and wonderful things happening in my life.

And it has been an awful week. Full of hard, disappointment, fear, frustration, devastation, shock, and soul-deep heaviness. It’s so heavy.

I opened my scriptures to the next I was to read that night, and it was Jacob 3:1. I immediately knew that I was supposed to be reading that verse at that moment on purpose. Pretty amazing.

I am not sure that it made me feel much better, but at least I had a reminder that I am being heard in my sorrow. I don’t have any more answers after reading than I did before, but I was reminded that I’m not alone. He is hearing me. Answers will…eventually…come.

I can let that be enough for today.